The Struggle

Today I struggle.

The struggle against the fear that we are all experiencing.

The anxiety from the unknown future.

The desire to positively contribute, yet seeming to fall short.

The yearning for the busy, normal world. A normal we may never see again.

Today I'm sad.

I miss my friends.

I miss being pair-bonded.

I miss giving and getting hugs. 

I miss smiling at people without a mask.

I miss the “get togethers” that I used to avoid.

I miss watching my daughter play with other kids. 

I know that feelings aren't facts, and that I should not attach to the emotions of the moment, but it's important to have as much Clarity around the more difficult emotions as it is to clearly see the pleasant.

Equanimity is a hard thing.

And while I feel these unpleasant emotions strongly, and clearly as my meditation practice has taught me, I still look towards the future with some degree of hope that we will emerge into a more compassionate and engaged world, a world where we value human well-being above the rapacious nature of pure unchecked capitalism.

A world where we put our human values before, or at least alongside, the almighty dollar.